(Transcript of Conference call made on 25-Mar-13. All material is copyright)
Welcome and thank you for joining us tonight and taking time for yourself.
I am Jini as in Coaching by Jini and I will be your host tonight.
It is my great pleasure and delight to be hosting these calls. It is my intention that these calls will inspire, uplift and provide you with insights as to a way forward to more self love and self acceptance. Therefore providing us with more love and acceptance towards others. And to have a life full of more joy and flow.
I come by this teaching through my own journey. Growing up in a home where the daily word was critical and condescending. From a place of lack. A lack of love and a lack of kindness. These people we call parents, teacher, preacher, and so on, only taught what they knew. Which would imply to me that is what they were taught. I don’t believe they just wake up one day and decided, I am going to be critical of others so that I may feel better. It was years and years of conditioning. And so…here we are conditioned…playing out old tapes from years past that don’t even exist in this moment. In some cases, we are experts at recreating an environment that is just like the one we grew up in. Attracting those people and situations that cause us to keep having those same feelings over and over again. Sometimes we are just experts at doing it to ourselves with no help at all from the outside. Sometimes, like a virus we become that person that hurt us so long ago – wondering how did that happen?
Several years ago I read a book title Real Love – unconditional love and better relationships with others by Greg Baer. I wanted so much to understand and to get what he was teaching that I became a coach for Real Love and worked with groups in my own home. I was able to heal the relationship with that parent that was so critical. It was nothing less than a miracle. But here’s the catch. That parent did not change! Let me make it clear, that parent did not change – I did!!! So that parent started showing up differently for me. They were still unhappy and critical, but it no longer affected me.
If you make the changes inside of you, the world can not help but to show up differently for you on the outside.
It was through that experience that I realized I wanted to be a coach and a teacher of what I will call higher learning. I’ve spent the last several years studying under different teachers, coaches and doctors who had different methods to share, but I came to realize that I have my own unique gifts to offer. So here we are. On a new adventure together.
I have learned many different techniques and tools that can be very helpful. And I continue to learn and discover for myself what works for me and what doesn’t. Everyone is different. So what worked for me may not necessarily work for you. But through this process, it my intention to help you discover what is right for you and your path toward more self love and acceptance. Because everything starts with self.
So let’s begin….
I am going to share some jewels with you that hopefully will hold some meaning and provide some insights for you. I will then open up the line to questions. You will hit *6 on your phone and then I will be able to select you for a question. If you would rather not be live you are welcome to send me a email to CoachingbyJini@gmail.com and I can read your question.
Also, if all goes well, these calls are and will be recorded and posted on my website to re-listen to and share. My website is: CoachingbyJini.com
So the first thing I’d like to do is to get fully present in this moment. To let go of the day’s stresses and distractions. And to become fully present in this Now moment. I hope you have given yourself this time and have create a quiet space where you can relax and just be here. If your driving or doing something else, please just keep your eyes open.
So look around the place where you are and look at objects. Just become aware of them without labeling them. Notice the silence there where they are. Touch something and become aware of who is feeling what you are touching. Take a deep breath and allow it to expand your stomach below your naval and as you exhale feel the tension leave your body and feel the support of whatever your sitting on. Become of aware of your breath. Become aware of who is noticing your breath. Just relax and come into this present Now moment. Just continue to breath and become aware of right now.
So… the very first jewel I would like to share is: You can not not be okay. Let me repeat that. You can not not be okay. Who you are at your core – that awareness behind your breath – is okay no matter what is going on on the outside. You may think you are not okay. You may feel you are not okay. You may even act as if you are not okay. But the essence of who are can not not be okay. Ever. Some of you may not know what I mean by this. That’s okay. On some level you do and in time you will consciously understand what this means. I first heard this from Esther Hicks. I understood it intellectually, but it took some time to really embrace it. So don’t worry if you don’t get it right now.
The next jewel is:
How we are in the world is ALL made up! Yes, it is all made up. From the car we drive to the home we live in, to the job we have, to the relationships we are in or not in. It is all made up by us. It may have been influenced by our mother, father, teacher, preacher, society, etc. But it is all made up. All of it.
So why does it seem to be such a mess. There are probably as many answers to that as there are people. But we’re not going to go there. We are going to start with – What is! Because that is all we can deal with – is what is.
Which bring me to another jewel. When you don’t accept What is, then your resisting what is, rejecting what is, whining about what is – all you do is cause what is to continue to exist. Your attention to what is not in this current moment causes it to continue. The very thing that you do not want. I will explain this further in many ways as we go along.
When our mental idea of how this moment ‘should be’ is different then ‘what it is’ we cause our self to be stressed, filled with anxiety, sad, depressed, etc. We take pills to cope with it. We drink alcohol to numb it. Yet it’s in the pushing against ‘what is’ that causes the upset. And as we continue to push against ‘what is’ – that very pushing causes it to continue and there can not be change into what we do desire.
So the first step is to accept this present moment exactly the way it is and the way it is not and know that is prefect.
It’s in the contrast that we learn what we do want and what we don’t want. So from that perspective, it is helping more clearly define what we do want. So learning to allow this present moment to be what it is without judgment is where we start.
An expression I heard years ago at a church I attended was: What you resist – persist. In your attention to what you don’t want is the very thing that is causing it to continue.
So let’s put that in practical terms. If you are overweight, or not feeling as well as you would like and you are resisting what is so, then your attention on that very thing continues.
So how do we get from here to where we want to be. First accepting the situation ‘without judgment’ as it is. Okay, I am overweight and it is OK. Or I’m not feeling as healthy as I would like, but that’s okay. Those were choices you made in the past and we can not change those. But what you do next is critical. You start moving towards what you do want. You envision what you do want. You start feeling what you do want. In other words, if I had my life the way I wanted it, who would I be being, how would I feel if my life was the way I wanted. You start imaging and practicing what would that be like. And the more you can do that – that is what you start drawing into your life. You start making different choices (or even begin making choices) that will bring that idea into your experience.
It’s how you can take the brakes off from where you are now and where you want to go.
I’ll share something personal with you that had a huge impact on my life. When I was going through my divorce, I was whining, complaining and thinking what my husband was not. And one day out of the blue, it occurred to me that I was those things that I was complaining about. I was the jerk, I was the asshole. Ouch. OMG…. I was no angel in all of this. What was my part that contributed to this. It was a HUGE bitter horse pill to swallow. And it was very uncomfortable to be with that truth. But after that, I realized that my relationship with my husband could heal. I could begin to heal myself. I was accepting what was – and in the moment it freed me up to start moving forward.
The next jewel
I believe we all have an intelligence, a intuition, an innate ability to know what we need to do. What is right for us. We have been so condition to listen to the outside authorities on what is right for us, that we don’t even know there is the intelligence inside of us. Sometimes our families and friends try to tell us what they believe is right for us, but I strongly believe that only you know what is right for you. And sometimes it is very hard to listen to that innate intelligence because of the people around us. And if we do hear it – we justify it away only to say later, I knew that would happened.
So, What if we re-learned how to listen to that innate intelligence that we all have. We’d probably save ourselves a whole lot of grief. And from my own personal experience – it not always easy to follow-through with what I know to be right, but I have found that when I do there is a peace that follows. A feeling of being right where I need to be – just the way that it is and just the way it is not. And the most amazing things follow.
To live a life on purpose in the present moment causes life to open up. To feel an aliveness, a beauty, and a deep sense of calm, joy and flow in the here and now. Not needing it to be any different then what it is right now. Even if your digging a ditch, changing a messy diaper, or serving food at a restaurant. If you are fully present in the moment to what is – a whole new life opens up to you.
So these are the jewels that I have to share today. There is so much more, if not volumes of what I could say about each one, but for now these are brief ideas for you to start with. Over time I will expand on these and add new ones. But I feel this a good place to start. And started we are…
Copyright © 2013 Coaching by Jini