Welcome back and thank you for joining us tonight and taking time for yourself.
I am Jini as in Coaching by Jini and I will be your host tonight. It is my great pleasure and delight to be hosting these calls. I am excited to announce that about once a month we will have some very special guests on our conference calls. So watch your emails.
And just a reminder that these conference call will be available on my website at: http://www.CoachingbyJini.com
Tonight we will have a writing exercise, so if you would take a moment to get a pen and paper that would be great and then I will lead us in a breathing exercise to help us get present.
It is my intention that these calls will inspire, uplift and provide you with insights as to a way forward to more self love and self acceptance. Therefore providing us with more love and acceptance towards others. And to have a life full of more joy and flow.
Last week I shared a lot of information and received some very good feedback. One of the feedback I received last week was I shared to much information on one call. So, as we go along we will revisit each of the jewels I shared last week, but tonight I would like to focus on Compromise.
I hope you have your pen and paper.Then let’s get comfortable and begin…
The first thing I’d like to do is to get fully present in this moment. To let go of the day’s stresses and distractions. And to become fully present in this Now moment. I hope you have given yourself this time and have created a quiet space where you can relax and just be here fully present. If your driving or doing something else, please just keep your eyes open.
So look around the place where you are and look at some objects. A chair, a table, a lamp. If you’re by a window, see a tree or a bird. Just become aware of them without labeling them. Notice the silence there where they are. Touch something and become aware of who is feeling what you are touching. Take a deep breath and allow it to expand your stomach below your naval and as you exhale feel the tension leave your body and feel the support of whatever your sitting on. Continue to take slow deep breaths. Become of aware of your breath. Become aware of who is noticing your breath. Just relax and come into this present Now moment. Just continue to breath and become aware of right now.
Compromise – what does it mean?
a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc.
an endangering, especially of reputation; exposure to danger, suspicion, etc.: a compromise of one’s integrity.
Those are not the type of compromises we will be talking about tonight.
There are usually two types of compromise
1. Those we make against ourselves
2. And those that were made against us.
I would venture to say that the first one is conditioned by the second one.
So what do I mean by against us?
When we were young, how many times were we told to eat what was on our plates even though we weren’t hungry or we didn’t want to eat something in particular?
Or when we were told to give Uncle Joe or Aunt Mary a hug when they gave us the creeps and we didn’t want to.
Our parent, teacher, preacher and so on, were probably acting in an benevolent way, not knowing how insidious these actions would become over time.
Now lets fast forward to today…where in our life are we still compromising ourselves, thinking this is normal and this what people do. And then wonder why we are not as happy, joyful and in love with ourselves or our life as we could be.
Let me make a distinction here. We are not talking about a conscious compromise as in the dictionary definition where you agree to do something you prefer not to for the betterment of the group. That is an agreement you chose to do consciously for limited amount of time.
We are talking about ongoing compromise. Like staying in a relationship out of quilt, or a job you hate.
So what I would like you to do is to get that pen and paper and for the next few minutes I would like you to start writing down everywhere in your life where you compromised yourself. In the past as well as in the present. The more you write down the better you will start feeling in the near future.
Oh, let me also add, and this is very important… no Judgment. No labeling who was right and wrong. Good or Bad. This is an awareness exercise. To possibly see where in your past conditioning is it still affecting your present.
I will give you some examples to help jog your memory.
So where in your past did you compromise yourself because you didn’t think you had a choice. Like the example of eating all of your food even though you didn’t want to.
– Or hug that Uncle Joe or Aunt Mary when it didn’t feel right
– What about those compromises we made out of ignorance
– How about when you didn’t say something and speak up, yet you knew you should have
– or similarly when you did nothing when you feel you should have
– where in your life did you compromise yourself out of fear. Maybe fear of loosing
– your job even though you had another commitment to keep
– are you working in a job you hate, but feel you have to to provide for your family
– or staying in that bad relationship even though you know it’s not right for you but you fear being alone
– what about you knew you should go exercise, but you did something else instead
– or went and got junk food because you were in a hurry
So what did you get from that?
I would like for the next few days to continue to write down places in our life where we saw that we may have compromised ourselves.
And in addition to that, write down, what is it costing you? Your health? Your relationship? Your well-being? We might start seeing patterns.
Dr. Coldwell, author of The Only Answer to Cancer says, Continuous and prolonged compromise is said to be linked to stress, which leads to a lack of energy, which leads to a lack of oxygen and acidosis which eventually leads to illness and cancer.
Change comes with awareness. So the first step is to bring conscious awareness to how and what we do in our daily life.
So the benefit of doing this exercise is to see where in our life we make compromises against ourselves and think about what can we can start to do to chose differently. How can we improve or make different choices that are more in alignment with what we know to be right for us.
As I talk about last week, we each have an innate intelligence to know what is right for us. No one else can tell us what we need to do. So stop asking your friends what they think. Think and feel into the answer yourself. Take time to Stop, breath and reflect. The answer will come. Or has it and you are second guessing yourself – Stop, breath and reflect. Learn to trust yourself.
Now to balance this out. I would like us to write down what we like about ourselves.
– What hobbies do we have that we enjoy. Which has nothing to do with how well we do it or not, but that we enjoy it.
– An area of our life that we excel at.
– A physical attribute we like
– A special skill we have
– That we can make someone smile and so on
Remember not to judge or compare yourself to anyone else. This is only about you.
Continue to do this and write down things as they pop into your head.
You are very unique individual. There’s no one else like you, so why not be the best you – you can be.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this time and received some benefit from tonight’s call.
Thank you again for play with me. I really enjoyed sharing and look forward to our call next week. Remember you can share this with anyone you think might be interested.
And remember, Your are the Source, Your Decide.
Copyright © 2013 Coaching by Jini