Welcome back and thank you for joining us tonight and taking time for yourself.
I am Jini as in Coaching by Jini and I will be your host tonight. It is my great pleasure and delight to be hosting these calls. I am excited to announce that about once a month we will have some very special guests on our conference calls. Next Monday, April 22nd we will be calling from Hawaii and I will have Mary Beth Shewan, a Master Certified Coach with us. You can find her online at WholeLifeCoaching.com. She is a transformational coach who helps people build Bridges to Brilliance. So, listen next week for more.
And just a reminder that these conference call will be available as mp3s on my website at CoachingbyJini.com
It is my intention that these calls will inspire, uplift and provide you with insights as to a way forward to more self love and self acceptance. Therefore providing us with more love and acceptance towards others. And to have a life full of more joy and flow.
The last couple of weeks we have been focused on different aspect of Self Love.
Last time I talked about Compromise, which you can find on my website. Tonight I would like to focus on Self Trust or the lack of it.
And as usual, I would like to take a few moment to get us focused in the present moment before we begin. Releasing the day’s issues, tensions and allowing this time for yourself.
So then let’s get comfortable and begin…
So the first thing I’d like to do is to get fully present in this moment. To let go of the day’s stresses and distractions. And to become fully present in this Now moment. I hope you have given yourself this time and have created a quiet space where you can relax and just be here fully present. If your driving or doing something else, please just keep your eyes open.
So look around the place where you are and look at some objects. A chair, a table, a lamp. If you’re by a window, see a tree or a bird. Just become aware of them without labeling them. Notice the silence there where they are. Touch something and become aware of who is feeling what you are touching. Take a deep breath and allow it to expand your stomach below your naval and as you exhale feel the tension leave your body and feel the support of whatever your sitting on. Continue to take slow deep breaths and become aware of your breath. Become aware of who is noticing your breath. Just relax and come into this present Now moment. Just continue to breath and become aware of right now.
Self trust is synonymous with self reliance.
The dictionary defines Trust as: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
Self Reliance is: reliance on oneself or one’s own powers, resources, etc.
If we are creators, 100% responsible for our reality, then why do we worry, have fear and don’t trust ourselves and/or others? Why do we lack self trust and self reliance?
Could it be all the broken promises we’ve made? The ones where we proclaim we will do this or that and then didn’t? This includes the promises to ourselves as well as others.
Is it because we have become externally focused? Comparing ourselves to others.
Or because we have been taught in our families, churches and governments to rely on some external authority? And not trust ourselves. That some how others know what’s best for us.
Maybe it’s some of these or all of them.
One of my favorite statements is ‘In God We Trust!’ Really! Do we?
What if you didn’t keep your word. Was there a unspoken, underlying reason why you didn’t?
Let’s say you’re on a diet, but in a moment of weakness you had some sugar. Now you spend the rest of the day beating yourself up and making yourself wrong and have more sugar to comfort the bad feeling you now have. Now the viscous cycle continues.
Why did you want to lose weight in the first place? Because you thought you ‘should’. Because others makes you wrong for being overweight? Because you lack self love? Will-power alone will not help you lose weight and keep it off, not in the long run because you haven’t address the root cause.
What if you were late to work. What do you do? Find some outside cause? Like blaming traffic. Is it really because you overslept. Or didn’t allow enough time.
Apply this to anything where you didn’t keep your word. What was the root cause? The truth behind it?
What about the way we dress, the car we drive, the houses we live in. Are we consumed by external appearances that we’ve shut ourselves completely off to that internal knowingness. What if we didn’t have the latest whatever… what if we really liked working in the garden or painting, but oh, what would others think.
Or focusing our strengths to someone else’s weaknesses or vice versus. How exhausting to compare. And we never compare justly. We always set ourselves up to be better or worst. Comparing ourselves is so emotionally debilitating.
What about those things we do because we’ve been taught to do them. Go to school, get a good job, plan for the future, provide security for our families and never question what we are doing.
What if we’re walking around with victim mentalities and think we are at the mercy of outside forces.
Or is it mainly because we have forgotten who we really are or never knew and have identified with our roles we are playing.
Do you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting it to be different this time. We seem to have that built in what I will call our egos. That some how if we repeat the mistake over and over again it will come out right. What if we keep repeating the same mistakes because it has something to teach us and when we can learn what it has to teach us, then we can let it go and move on.
What if we started telling ourselves the truth. Why we do or don’t do something.
The definition of Responsibility that I like best is the ability to respond.
But most the time we react or have a knee-jerk reaction to situations and people.
When you truly know who you really are, then you can have self trust.
Life becomes a endless flow of experiences that we can embrace. It doesn’t mean it is completely blissful. But when you know who you are, you are able to response to the moment as appose to reacting to it, it becomes this beautiful unfolding flow.
I use the word flow a lot. It’s the difference between swimming upstream with struggle and against the current or going down steam with current and the flow.
Aikido is a Japanese martial art “the Way of unifying (with) life energy”. Aikido is performed by blending with the motion of the attacker and redirecting the force of the attack rather than opposing it head-on. So the image might be, someone is coming straight towards you. You calmly step aside and allow the attacker to fall on his own face.
Why do I bring this up? I want to demonstrate what I mean by going with the flow.
We use a lot of our life force and life energy struggling against life, draining ourselves of vital energy.
What does this have to do with self trust? We all have an innate intelligence to draw from that guides us. When we learn to tap into it and use it, then we can respond to life from that place of Trust with ease and grace. Which enables us to let go of the struggle. Then we start to enjoy the unfolding of our life’s journey.
The fist step is always to come into this present now moment. Not living out of heads, out of some past memory that doesn’t even exist in the present moment.
What would it take to believe in ourselves? To use that innate intelligence we all have?
To breath and to come fully in this Now present moment.
Say someone says something hurtful to us, has anything really changed in the present moment? No. Our reaction to what someone says usually dictates how we react next. What if you stayed in the present moment. Really got into the present moment and without any judgment at all, watch the person saying what they are saying. You could even put funny ears on them. Would it change the impact of what they said? I think so. You would probably be trying to contain yourself from laughing out loud.
Just one little change in perspective changes the whole situation. It just takes a moment to respond to life rather than to react to life.
And not with a smug I better than you, because that’s not true either. We are all the same just expressing ourselves differently. Playing a different role for ourselves or someone else. Trying to manipulate the situation rather than respond.
In Real Love terms as taught by Greg Baer, we all use what he calls getting and protecting behaviors. We act a certain way in order to manipulate the other person or situation. He suggests what if you just make a request. They are a unique individual person who has the free will to choose for themselves just as we do. Maybe they don’t like your suggestion or request. Can you be okay when they decide they don’t want to go along?
And in their saying no, there might be a better situation arise out of it. But we don’t know if we are trying to force the situation.
Self trust is being in the present moment and making decision from your intuition or that small still voice inside. But definitely not in reaction to some stimulus outside of us.
As I said earlier, Self trust to me is synonymous with self reliance. Reliance on one’s own truth. Believing in ones self.
So my definition of self trust would be trusting one’s self that you will know how to respond to a situation when it arises in the present now moment. That you’ve developed your ability to listen and act on that still small voice within that we also call intuition.
I have over simplified this concept and idea just to plant the seed of thought. There are so many facets to this idea of Self Trust, but it’s something to ponder and think about.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this time and received some benefit from tonight’s call.
Thank you again for playing with me. I really enjoyed sharing and look forward to our call next week. Remember you can share this with anyone you think might be interested.
Remember, Your are the Source, Your Decide.
Copyright © 2013 Coaching by Jini